Tuesday, August 6, 2013

a bit more than 9 to 5

There are so many days that i feel like i fail at my job. Did i get all the training that i need? Do I have a supportive boss? Do I have coworkers to cover for me? Do i have coworkers to share a break with? Do i even have co workers?

as a stay at home mom you are your own boss, there are no coworkers, just employers running/crawling around making pee puddles and eating unidentified objects, there are no breaks and i never received any training that i can remember... unless you count the pamphlets they gave me the day we left the hospital. 

i brought life into this world and not a soul told me what to do with these little creations, but somehow by the grace of god I have kept the alive and I have kept them well. Some days I'm not so sure about the latter part of that statement. and really there are many days that i am so maxed out that i feel like i have nothing left to give to my kids. i often wonder how much my "maxed out" feeling effects them. do they know when i'm completely exhausted, do they know when i'm on the verge of breaking, do they know when i'm just flat out done?

no one prepared me for this position. no one told me how my heart would ache for a two year old who cant keep his underwear dry. no one warned me about the mountains of laundry or that would i have to do the dishes 3 times a day. no one told me about the loneliness of staying home so your one year old can nap instead of meeting up for a play date. no one told me the emotional roller coaster being a mother would feel like. no one told me about the physical tiredness of some days being so robotic that you cant even remember what you did that day. no, no one told me.

but for some reason, unknown to me, the lord hired me, he thought i would be a good fit, that maybe i could further his company with these two little bodies. with no past experience other than having a love for baby dolls my entire childhood, i am certainly far from qualified to be a mother. 

two and half years into this and not much has changed since the day i walked into this position. the hours are still long, the pay is non existent, there are no promotions and the employers are still as helpless as ever, but one thing is for sure... the benefits are overflowing. yes, being a mother is by far the hardest yet most rewarding "job" ive had in my short 28 years and though there are many many nights where i lay down thinking of how much i must of failed them, i can only hope that the one who hired me has no problem picking up my slack. 

1 comment:

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE this Amber! Love every word of this! I so needed to read this on days just like this! You an such a great writer and an even better Mommy! Love you!!!