Theres a lingering question that comes to my mind often, almost daily in fact, am I keeping my husband first or are my kids winning that battle? And trust me on this, it is a battle. I think a lot of wives can relate, maybe even wives who dont have kids? Sadly, I think its quiet easy to put the "man of our dreams" on a book shelf and rarely pay much attention to his desire to be dusted off. I'm not sure if most would agree with me but I do think the man we chose to be our life partner for the rest of our lives, should come first. However, when i sit back and look at my daily living, I"m not so sure if my actions line up with my beliefs. Don't you hate when that happens? its the awful reality that were all in need of a little grace because clearly its impossible to be perfect, but boy do we try, especially us moms, we try so very very hard to be perfect and its exhausting half the time.
Lately my grocery bags have been filled with almond milk, oatmeal, bananas, berries, organic kashi bars, ground turkey, hummus, almond butter all things for the boys. No steak, no hamburger meat, no lays chips, no mushrooms, no cows milk all things my husband adores. Our outings consist of the zoo, the train museum, the farmers market, and countless trips to target. Dannys favorite things to do: go to the movies, have a beer at a pub, watch a sporting event, go hike up a mountain (brutal) or just stroll through any sporting goods store. Even my chores have started putting the boys first, I fold & put away all their clothes and simply stack dannys in a pile thinking "he's grown, he knows where his clothes go." Eh, it sounds so rude just typing it. My goal isn't to be rude or disrespectful or unloving I'm just trying to make things easier throughout my day, but once it all goes down on paper, rude, disrespectful and unloving is exactly what it looks like.
Before we were even engaged we were looking for wedding rings/bands and theres a comment Danny made that I will never forget. I was suggesting he get just a simple band nothing too fancy and he responded with "girl, I want to look like i won the super bowl." ;) it was really funny at the time and a little cheesy but it made my heart melt. What he said is a constant reminder for me.. that i do indeed want to make him feel like he did win the super bowl when he chose me, out every girl he had ever known, he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. That may be a tall order to fill and more than likely I will fail at meeting the requierments but i'm hoping that maybe the lord will blind my husbands eyes in the areas where i lack ;) he can do that you know?!
Most days before I even get out my bed, I ask the Lord for patience, strength, and wisdom... for days with the boys ;) and I also ask that the Lord shows me how i can serve my husband better, that today i will hopefully be a better wife than i was yesterday.
And for the record, I think that since i made no argument against having ribs with kraft macaroni and cheese for dinner two nights ago is a step in the right direction... regardless of the toll it may take on our health. ;)
love you danny ruth. you will always by my favorite. ;)